Thursday, October 14, 2010

Is This Normal?

Jaxon has been having some serious fits lately.  He's 4 and he throws more fits than Henry who is 2.

When he gets mad, Jaxon says things like, "I don't want to live with you," "I don't love you," "You're lying," "You don't love me," "That's not fair," "You're not my mommy," and on and on with all kinds of stuff.  I don't know where he gets this stuff because Devin and I certainly never have said anything like the previous quotes to each other ever.  He doesn't even understand what he's saying half the time.  It's like we raising a teenager in a miniature body.

I know he doesn't mean the things he says and I don't take them personally, but when he has these drawn out fits it wears on me.  I get past the point of knowing what to do about it.  It's like there's no reasoning with him because he just argues back with some of the lines quoted above.  These fits are hard to manage!  His fits don't happen very often, it's just that when they do, they seem to go on and on.  And of course, if he is hungry or tired they are worse.

I just don't know if this is normal.  My Oma (grandma) said I didn't say thing like that or act crazy-out-of-control-mad when I was little.  I know Devin banged his head on the floor when he was younger, but I don't think that continued much past age 2.  I wonder if Jaxon is more difficult than most kids his age or are we just lousy parents?

Where did this sweet boy go?


Tayce and Lacie said...

I don't know how to tell how to raise a 4 year old, I don't know that. But, I can tell you something I know and that is you and Devin are the furthest thing from bad parents or the worst. You are a great, don't you ever forget that! Good luck friend, you can do it. Love ya!

The Van Fam said...

No worries, you are not alone! As soon as Trey turned 4 it was like we finally hit the terrible 2's which he had never really had a problem with before. Personally what I think it is is that they are getting older and smarter and trying to be in control more and testing their limits. At a younger age they dont really understand the control issue and think they have to do whatever mom says. Trey definitely has his days where he acts like that and says some things like that. I just finished taking a Love and Logic parenting class and it is helping SO much! I really felt like I was such a bad parent but then I took this class and realized its totally normal for kids this age to act like that, but this class was so awesome because it was so helpful at showing what to do to stop the little fits before they get out of control. Obviouly Trey isnt perfect but I have noticed a difference in him since we starting using some of these tips. No worries, you are such a great mom and Jaxon is getting so big!

Janet said...

It's normal. And remember when he has the fits that you cannot reason with a drunk person. You have to wait for them to sober up. Don't try and manage the crisis when you're IN the crisis. You have to wait until your outside of it (at a totally separate time) to talk to him about his behavior. You could even try recording it and show him how he's acting. He may not even realize what he's saying or how silly it seems. Tell him how you feel when he says those things and acts that way. He's a very sensitive, sweet boy and he'll be upset to know that he's upsetting you. Also, he's a very spiritual little kid so talk about what Jesus would want him to do. Good luck and lots of hugs. You're doing great!

Royalbird said...

It's completely normal. The so-called "Terrible Two's" are a lie. I think 4 is much worse. We put our kids in their rooms to cry when they throw such a tantrum and tell them they are free to come out and talk to us about the problem when they are done crying and then we calmly shut the door and walk away. Usually within minutes they calm down and come out and then we talk about what happened.

Every age has its challenges. And some kids are definitely more challenging than others.


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