Thursday, December 17, 2009

MBP Free to Fart America

I read this  here and was amused so I thought I'd share...


Anyway, I was going to talk about how inconvenient it actually is that farting is such a taboo thing to do. I had the opportunity to hear the Apostle, Elder Quentin Cook speak at a lunch thingy today. After having just had a jalapeno burger from Carl's Junior I had some mad gas. Well, there were like 200 people in the room and I had to fart. I was concentrating so much on holding it in and not sqeaking a peeper that I could focus on nothing else.

Why is farting so bad? Really? I mean coughing is gross, so is sneezing, and people do that in public without major embarrassment all the time. If I could have just let a couple go today, I would have been fine. Instead I spent the meeting repeatedly clenching and relaxing just enough to make sure nothing slipped out, and I didn't hear a word the man said. The Apostle was trumped by my gas. It just isn't right. I can't help that food gives me gas. What if Cook's dissertation on "morality in business" would have changed my life. It may have been the greatest news I would have ever heard. Yet I missed out because farting is such a "bad" thing. Can you imagine if I was at the sermon on the mount and I had to fart.

I think we, the human race, should eliminate this problem. Join me in my quest for a Free to Fart America. It will only work if you can fart confidently in front of others and if when people fart you can refrain from causing a big scene whether it's laughter or disgust. You can actually catch something from a cough or a sneeze. Nobody gets sick from a fart. Yet farts are received with laughter and mockery, and coughs score a "bless you" from anyone within ear shot. Next time I hear a "fffrrrrtttt-ftt-fffffrrr woosh ffrrt-t - ttt", I am going to say, "bless you." Seriously people, is holding your farts worth missing out on enlightenment and possibly eternal salvation?

-Jake



Oh, and though it's gross and think it would take some getting used to, I do agree.  What do you think?

4 comments:

Connie said...

I DISAGREE! Sorry but farts REEK and should be done in private. How bad would it suck if you were at a restaurant and the table behind you were letting them go and stinking up the joint? NO THANK YOU! If this guy missed out on spiritual enlightenment because of gass he should've gone outside- let 'er rip- then go back in and only miss out on like 30 seconds. Or go to the bathroom and do your duty with a heart full of song- either way, it's better than sitting there sweating it out. *drops mic

te he (;

texas_princess1109 said...

Ha ha ha! I LOVED that article!! I agree and will support it 100%! :)

Molly said...

Man, thats like going on a date in the old days and eating something that really got your tummy rolling and holding it in all night only to get home and have held it in so long you had major stomach pain all night. Seriously, Farting is gross, but really is it that bad? We laugh when babies fart, why not just laugh? And do people really not fart around their families or husbands? Yeesh, I do.

Fiery Jack said...

I get in trouble if I say that word at our house. haha.

At first I thought you wrote this and I was kinda offended. But also I liked it and laughed a little bit. :-)

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