Friday, March 4, 2011

Past vs Present

I read this on a friend's blog and was cracking up in agreement so I wanted to post it too.  Let me know if you agree with any of these statements:

PAST: how can i get this guy to kiss me tonight?
PRESENT: how can i get out of sex tonight?

PAST: i hate when guys fart. nasty.
PRESENT: i love when my baby toots! maybe then he'll sleep better...

PAST: i love my boobs they are perky and great!
PRESENT: ugh...boobs. saggy and gross. only needed for milk.

PAST: *talking to a friend* want to use the restroom with me?
PRESENT: *talking to your kid* mommy is going to the potty. do you need to use the potty? do you need to go pee-pee in the potty?

PAST: $50 purse? its super cute...ill buy it.
PRESENT: $20 jeans? im pretty sure i can find some cheaper...

PAST: going out with friends at 8pm? thats a little early but ok see you then.
PRESENT: going on a date at 6pm? hmm well it'll take like 2 hours to eat and then that puts us home around 8 and then its bedtime...i dunno can we do earlier?

PAST: the gym is such a great way to meet guys.
PRESENT: the gym is a necessity so the "mom butt" doesnt appear.

PAST: sorry my car is dirty! just move my school stuff and water bottle and running shoes.
PRESENT: sorry my car is dirty! just move the crushed-into-the-seat-cheerios, and lost sippy cup and old diapers and tissues and wrappers and dirty clothes and pardon the stains.

PAST: if its rated PG-13...we'll call it good.
PRESENT: there are little ears. PG is pushing it.

PAST: hey sorry im late! there was traffic.
PRESENT: hey sorry im late! i was walking out the door i got pooped on and we all had to change and then we got in the car and totally forgot the diaper bag and when i went into the house i had left every light on and when we got back in the car i realized i had put the keys in the diaper bag to remember to grab it. and i forgot to grab the bag. and there was traffic.

Can you think of any more?


Royalbird said...

Oh, I love this! Especially the first one, that totally cracked me up!

One Tired Momma said...

Ha, I love it! Here's what happened to me yesterday:

PAST: oh no, a pin drop of eye liner is on the buttonhole of my shirt, I'd better change before anyone sees!

PRESENT: what is that? chocolate or poop? how long has it been there? huh, well, I'll just have to hold the baby on that side, he's big enough to hide it. plus I do NOT need more laundry, changing isn't an option.

Then I went out in public...


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